I like my women how I like my baby back ribs

...with plenty of ribs.
 
  For years now, the Miss USA contest has pretty much been a joke. Pretty sure no one cares about it or knew it happened this past weekend despite it being a congregation of supposedly being the best women our country has to offer. Now I generally don't care enough myself to spare two cents for the subject, but this year is different. First of all, last year's winner was pretty nice looking. However, if you look at this year's winner...

   What the fuck? Seriously? Now I'll be the first to admit I'm picky but this is the best we have to offer? Yeah, this is who's representing the good ol' USA in the Miss Universe pageant this year. Miss My-Ribs-Are-Actually-A-Xylophone. I actually thought she was trying out for the new Stick Fighter game at first. But alas, that dream eluded me just as she seems to elude any kind of food at all.

   So then I figured, "Surely there must have been some better contestants. I mean, there were 51 of them in total..." Well, let's see...

DEATH BY SNU SNU

   John, did you copy and paste the same face on every body again? No? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying they're all ugly but I'm pretty sure this is a contest to find the most beautiful women in the country. I just didn't know our country was so fond of anorexic amazons. And so, with all that said, I believe it is necessary for a revolution. We need a new generation of women to better represent our country. We must oust each of the fifty 5'9, 95 pound women and establish a new standard of beauty. And what better and more American a place to search than... Youtube! It's actually rather easy to find to a girl there who can match these girls' feminine prowess.

I nominate weaboo Youtube cat girl with big tits

...Actually... maybe that's not the best idea.

Okay, fuck it. And fuck the whole pageant. I'm going back to not caring.